What is a closet sinner?

   So here it goes. My first blog post. I have always wanted to do this, but personally I fear ridicule. Here I am, about to pour out my soul to thousands (I hope that many someday) of people out there, including family and friends I am sure. I will remain as private as possible, my name will be changed to protect the not so innocent.
   I am a firm believer in Hell and all it entails. Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth is a phrase I have heard many times to describe this warmer climate known as the home of Satan. My friends and family on more than one occasion have heard me declare I will be riding the bus to Hell, if not driving it. No worries though, it is a big bus, plenty of seats, even handicap accessible, and I am more than happy to accommodate any who wish to come out and announce proudly, that they are, as well as myself, a closet sinner.
   So what exactly makes one a closet sinner? I would say it is the little things in life that slowly ebb away at our goodness until we realize we are being consumed by an inescapable fire. Do you remember the story of the frog? Throw him into the pot of boiling water and he will surely jump out. Put him in the water and then set it to boil and he will stay, until of course he has become a nice frog leg appetizer. MMMMM!!!
   So my closet sins? I like to gossip. I curse, and I do have strong feeling of dislike (these tend to be towards my ex-husband and an old friend who betrayed me). I also like the drink. Not that I drink often or hardly at all these days, but I still think about it. On a rough day, I really want a cold beer. I love food, I over sleep and I have a tendency towards laziness. I have at one time or another committed nearly all of The Seven Deadly Sins and the Ten Commandments (except for murder, although I have wanted to kill my children from time to time).
   But to really be a closet sinner, you have to hide all of this from others. Most of my friends and family have no idea how bad I really am. I go to church on Sunday’s. I appear to be good in all aspects of my life, unless I believe no one is watching me. I go out of town a lot on business. That is when I do most of my sinning, but then I go home and all of that is shut up into the closet.
   Even though I appear to be fairly good in my day to day existence, I never claim sainthood. I don’t think of myself as better than anyone else. I am just better at hiding it than most.
   So here it is. I guess this is almost my way of going to confession. Maybe I will be lucky enough to have a priest read this, call me up and tell me how many Hail Mary’s I need to say, and then absolve me of my sins. But then again, I would have to write this under my real name and not a pseudonym wouldn’t I? After all, I want to remain in the closet.